Trust and Distance in motherhood
Distance, it’s something which you have to let grow between you and your children, and it should be something grown out of love and respect. As they grow, as they become independent, it’s like an invisible bubble, it’s a distance cushioned by trust, knowing, and security, our children grow to move away from us, but the confidence in that is the knowing that you are always there no matter how far you may be.
From the first time your child starts to crawl and walk, from the time they let go of your hand on a walk out..to the last time they hold you hand on the way to school…these things as a parent can feel daunting and so sad, but they are signs of a growing independent being.
My son age 13 at weekend, independently took a short tram ride into the town centre with his friends for a birthday, they went for lunch, to crazy golf and the cinema, before heading home to watch the football.
It was one of the best days of his young life - the confidence in his voice when I rang to check he was ok, the fun he had.
It was a milestone moment for us, I know he is sensible and trustworthy for such responsibility, I know he is polite to others and knows how to seek help should he need it, his friends I know are the same. For some this may seem to young (my mum certainly was uneasy with it) but as a child, I was not afforded such independence and I do feel that impacted to some extent my confidence as an adult.
How can we build trust?
• a little goes a long way, start small with independent tasks, choosing items in shops, waiting outside shops whilst your children go in to choose something, letting them walk to the shop, take the lead crossing the road with you there.
• allow them to see how much you trust them, with trust comes responsibility and I think that when you show this trust they feel that, and feel that responsibility
• have clear and consistent boundaries, I asked my son to phone me or text me at certain points in the day, I think these boundaries are so important in building that relationship of trust.
What are your thoughts on nurturing independence in children?
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